Many years of anger and hatred of men caused by my dad’s absence. How could he leave us? How could he leave my mum to struggle? She worked day and night for us whilst his family and the new woman and children enjoyed years of labour that she had built. Even as I type I realise there is still healing to take place and yet I have come very far. As of just six years ago my father was a no-go area. Don’t talk about him, don’t ask about him. I’m not interested.
I watched my mum suffer in his absence. I’d seen her cry. I’d experienced her bitterness, in fact- I’d internalised it. Why not? – he wasn’t around to dispel any of it. Yet God was at work.
Had he never left I would have never experienced Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, nor would I have appreciated the struggle that many people go through. It was all necessary, and yet at the tender age of my early 20s and after many conversations and much of the Holy Spirit’s working conversations and images rile up anger.
I met up with my dad and we talked and laughed and had awkward silences and unanswered questions. In fact, it was only as he started showing me pictures and doing the proud conversation phone calls back home that I realised I still had many grievances.
All this talk about family but how many of them really reached out whilst we suffered. Like for real. Yet everyone had the nerve to ask after my mum, please, that’s fake (As you can see I’m still in the healing process).
Yet it was only until re-uniting with the source of some of my frustrations that I realised that I was so angry. Prior to this, my anger was unknown to me, but God knew. As I type I wipe away tears but I also thank God.
As a young woman waiting on God for her spouse (sometimes patiently…. Lol), I realise that had I not had this encounter with my relatives then I would have entered my marital home causing my spouse to suffer at times for the pain I felt.
If I’m being honest I can truly say that past relationships, struggles and failures have been largely linked to the broken home of which I came from. Much of my struggles indeed have. All the independent women don’t come out of nowhere. If a good man had been modeled to me as a child, if a loving relationship had been my foundation I wouldn’t have struggled.
I recently accepted that I am indeed my mother’s child, good and bad qualities alike and Lord knows I LOVE my mum. But not every quality portrayed was of God and God is healing me. Day by day.
If this story sounds anything like yours and you’ve found strength in realising you’re not alone be encouraged. Write in and tell us.
I am nowhere near as angry as I once was, and I’ve realised that the anger that overcame me was destructive. My dad left almost 10 years ago. For the last six years we’ve been having conversations. As I looked at my father I saw that he’d aged. He’d become wiser and softer. Time had taught him lessons and God had become more important to me. He would make comments and I’d think firstly wow, and secondly, why weren’t you like this all that time ago?
A part of me wanted to sit there and blast him with the cruel words of my pain but I’m sure the Living Word in me was what withheld me, after all- what good would it do? What good would hating anyone do? It just caused me more pain.
After all, they can’t go back and change their mistakes, nor can the damage be undone. Tomorrow is not promised nor is today to be wasted. As I sat there all ‘justified’ I realised I really wasn’t.
My dad is getting older and I realised that even though he had been away from us, he’d suffered too. A broken home is hard on everyone, all parties alike, and when broken beyond marital repair the hope is for restoration of amicability and peace. I looked at my father and realised he’d missed his children. He was paying for his mistakes already. My old anger wouldn’t solve anything. I also realised that my anger for his children was such a waste of time. A waste of time and energy. One of which I decided to trade for God’s peace.
As I left my father’s presence this evening I realised that I had a lot of healing and forgiving to do and I have a feeling that if this has struck a chord, you or someone you know might need to too. You may also need help with anger so below is a link to some scriptures that have helped me.
Like I said above, if you or someone you know needs this please do share. The devil is holding too many of us down with pain from our pasts but thank God for Jesus and the humility in Him. For we overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and The Word of our Testimonies.
My journey of healing is taking a fresh turn, one of which I hadn’t realised I needed and so I shall continue to document and share. We are all on a journey.
I pray that God heals every wound that is hidden and open in Jesus’ Name.