Halleluyah Celestial Weekly & Sis Abeke
Am glad this platform is anonymous because I have an issue which I am ashamed to talk to anybody about.
I don’t know if you are married my sister but hopefully you have wise counsel for me please. My wife and I work tirelessly to support our family and i feel there should always be time for rest and play. My wife is always tired and any time I want to move close to her and play she will say she’s too tired another day. Another day will come and same story.
i have no reason to believe she is unfaithful. I know too well she works very long hard hours but as humans we all have needs. What do I do? It seems we no longer have an intimate connection. If I tell our parents that will be another Wahala I cannot cope with so I’ve kept it secret. This has been the situation for at least five months now. Please I know one should pray and am praying but it has not changed the story.
God Bless you.
Dear Sir, I bless God for your life; for your courage, and for the wisdom God has given you. This is Nothing to be ashamed about. In fact, it tends to be taking place within many marriages. You are not alone in this situation and I believe that the Lord is using you to encourage and empower others who find themselves here, men and women alike. Thank you for taking the bold step to get help. You don’t know who else it might be saving. Sometimes just knowing that you are not alone is enough to kick start a change.
Dear brother, you were right to seek God concerning this matter and you are also very wise to take caution in telling your family about your marital affairs. It is never advisable to involve anyone else in delicate matters like these unless you know the Lord has called them to such work and/ or you are certain about their leadership being of the Holy Spirit. I thank God for cautioning your heart. Too many times married couples have reached out in desperation but to the wrong people. Your first point of contact is always to be God and as you have ‘lifted up your eyes to the hills from whence cometh your help’ Psalm 121, I believe He led you to me for His Glory.
Often times within the marital home the rigidness of the day to day pressures can cause a woman to feel drained. Whereas the Lord has created men’s sexual needs to generally be more active than women’s, a woman may often need to be warmed up. Whereas men are more physically driven women are more emotional. Woo her again. Remember your first love. In fact, there is no better example to compare how to restore the marriage than that of our relationship with God. I shall use this to explain what I mean.
When we stop spending time in the Word, and we stop spending time with God in worship our relationship with Him becomes stale and less productive. This is why in Revelations Chapter 2 verse 4 God admonished us to come back to our first love. 4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. 5 Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. It is the same with marriage. When we stop showing each other that affection that we first did, engaging in fun activities or just spending important moments together marriage can become taxing. That is why I advise you to take a trip down memory lane and let it inspire you. Act towards your wife in the same way you did on your first dates. Re-ignite the passion in the marriage and not just for intimacy. I can ensure you that intimacy will be a by-product but rather, re-ignite for longevity, and more importantly, for God’s glory! Every marriage is meant to reflect us as His Bride and He as our Husband. Man of God, I believe that you meant every syllable of your vows. The fact that you are reaching out for help proves it and as you engage in your prayerful and practical steps to rebuilding your marriage the Lord will increase you beyond your understanding. What you thought was a deficit was the key to God taking you higher. Congratulations sir!
I know that the reason you reached out was for advice on sexual fulfilment but God wants more from you and so I pray that you will change your heart and outlook on these circumstances. It is the heart that you engage in these actions that will affect your wife’s ultimate response. If she feels like you are just meeting her needs because you want sex she may indeed shut down further, and therefore before doing anything at all ensure that your heart is right, and your desire is to serve her. Our Christ came to serve and not to be served. Therefore, whether she receives your labour of love do not be discouraged. Rather, continue to meet her needs for His Glory and let Him do the work on her heart. Trust. Believe. Have faith that it will change. A seed must first be buried in the ground before it germinates, and it must also receive sunlight and water to grow. This all takes time therefore my courageous brother- rejoice. Even if after you begin these works of love it looks worse. Persevere. Express the patience and servant heart that 1 Corinthians 13 encourages and expect to harvest.
Sir, I believe God has only allowed this season to take place now so that your latter days will be bright and so you could reflect His love on a deeper level. 1 John 4:19 says ‘we love because He first loved us’. It is the overwhelming understanding and experience of His love that caused us and still causes us to yield to Him. Rather than trying to get us to meet His needs He met ours. Even when we are running from Him He runs after us. In fact, His love is so infinite and so strong that even when we’re displeasing to Him He still showers us with grace and affection. That dear man is your example and that very love of Christ is what you should draw on for strength. ‘That whilst we were still sinners’ (Romans 5:8) Christ died for us.
Please do not get me wrong. I am not condoning a woman or a man withholding their body from their spouse. This does not glorify God. In fact, Paul admonished that husbands and wives should ‘not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But (he said this) as a concession, not as a commandment’.
He too understood the temperament of man however the most important respect of our marriages and the purpose of our marriages are Christ. It is about bringing honour to His name and glorifying Him in every thing. Our marriages and responses to one another are meant to draw men to Christ. For this reason I pray the Lord gives you and every other man in such circumstances the strength to continue to, ‘love your (wife) even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish’. Whilst you do so I pray that God opens up all wives hearts to ‘submit (herself) unto you (her) husband, as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:25-27; 22; 21). And finally that within all unions professing Christ to be Lord and Saviour we may ‘21 Submit (ourselves) one to another in the fear of God. All for God’s glory.