The Compatible Couple

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I was speaking in a seminar one day in a woman’s program, the next speaker after me, was an elderly woman. She said that I had spoken very well and that I am very knowledgeable in what I’m talking about, but something was missing.

From her experience and the story of her life that she narrated, being compatible is not necessary for marriage. This was based on her personal experience that she was not compatible with her husband but they lived a happy life and thus it was being submissive, patient and obedient was all that was needed.

I disagree with this school of thought. Gone are the days where you give a woman away to a man to marry, this is a century that does it according to the scriptures that says – “the man shall find a woman and they shall become one that means they will see themselves understand one another, will become friends then become lovers.”

After discovering one another, The Desire to be together for life will come in, and with this desire comes marriage. [pullquote]the man shall find a woman and they shall become one that means they will see themselves understand one another, will become friends then become lovers[/pullquote] To desire to be with someone for a lifetime, you need to understand him or her. I believe strongly in courtship; it is a process that brings about the discovery of one another. It brings to light even all that is hidden. It is a process of patients. It could be a short one or a long one. In this period of courtship, you will know what makes him tick; you will know what makes her happy.

You will change one another, character building and do things in common, you get to that point where you say I can’t do without this person. Be mindful, courtship does not make you perfect but it sure does make you know the person more, giving you a picture of what you are getting into. In courtship, you know what the person’s future aspiration is; you know where you are going to with them and how you can effectively support them if this is the life you want to live.

The scripture says the woman is a helpmate. This means “Helping me to meet my needs,” therefore I need to know the need of the man. I need to know his Vision. Only then, can I help him, only then can I be his best partner, because I know where you’re going and I’m going to be doing/working with him to get there. However, if I do not know what you are doing and where you are going, then I am going to be working against you directly or indirectly.

It is also necessary for him to know what I want in life and where I want to be in 5 years time, in 10 years time and in 20 years time. I need him to appreciate what I want to be in life, you need to be committed to it and be ready to walk with me. I cannot be happily married if am not fulfilled.

You as a young woman who loves the company of her husband so much, and you who desires to or are engaged to a doctor. You need to understand the demands of his job, that it is time-consuming and he will be away from home a lot.  If you cannot stand that, you should not marry a doctor. For this reason, you will both not be happy. You are certainly going to be nagging about him not being at home, and not spending enough time with you and the kids.
His answer would be… ‘You know the nature of my job’ … Yes, you should know the nature of his job, accept it and build a life of bliss around the little time you spend together; else, it is heading for the rocks.

I have this auntie aspiring to go for some courses through the company she was working with after three children; her first-born was 16 year old of which a promotion awaits her at the end of the 6 months course. Can you believe her husband said to her that she would never be greater than him and discouraged her from going for the training? Can you imagine that? For the sake of the marriage and her children, she had to let go of the opportunity.

Can we claim she married the wrong person?

Author: Modupe Ekene Chidi

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